Don't Quote... All Damon Edition

So this time instead of posting quotes from other people I'm going completely solo. These are all said by yours truly! ENJOY!

"Sh*t! The only difference between him and a monkey is the tail!"

"Yeah its all good til I come to work and hit you with a brick wrapped in newspaper."

"Wait! You know how to read?! Does master know?"

"His car is green and yellow. Or as its also known "GAY"."

"My car isn't pink you colorblind Latino! Besides, don't you drive a automatic Mustang?!"

"I don't spend all my money on shoes... I devote some to hookers too."

"I come to work everyday expecting to slap someone. And everyday I get disappointed."

"Every time he would stop snoring I didn't know whether to be happy that he did or to be worried that he's not breathing."

"I don't care what that certificate says, I don't know CPR."

"Well they let us have a Black President, ain't no way in Hell they gonna let me get a better score than Stucker!"

"White people always want a closer look at something that'll kill they ass."

"I don't know whats going on but these Asian people better stop eyeballing me before some sh*t pop off."

"They got a lot fruity ass birds out here."

"See that's why I'd never buy a rental car from a dealer."

"The girl with the muffin top chased him for about 40 yards."

"Hey! I know what that means. She got a sugar daddy."

"All that sugary sh*t you doing right there is giving me diabetes."

"This homeless dude asked me for $2.82 exactly. I was not prepared for that."

"I'm gonna start asking them for money before they ask me."

"I finally saw those Mexican guys passing out those hooker cards."

"See that's why I don't like coming to Hooters. They got terrible service and I never get the sexy sista as my waitress. I always get the lil white girl with no ass!"

"Why do you insist on farting in the elevator every time I'm on it?"

"Surprisingly I wasn't just looking at the girl with the biggest boobs. Go figure."

"She'll send me a text back like 5 hours later. By then I'm looking at the phone like what the f*ck is this b*tch talking about?!"

"My cousin dirty. He said if a dude didn't wanna throw hands he'd just slap his girlfriend. Bet he'd wanna fight after that."

"I put lotion on this morning but it didn't take."

NOW HERE ARE A PAIR FROM MY SISTER NICA...

"Man! Grandma beat all us that night!"

"I don't like no wet chicken."